Greetings, fellow earth-dwellers.
I know not who reads this or why. Perhaps I write only to exorcise the demons. Perhaps I can use words to help and to heal, to offer solace, or a means to connect and grow. Perhaps I can just make it through another year...
2007 was a bit rough for me. I know there were lovely moments, and I enjoyed many a fruitful experience, but I have to admit my memory is clouded by loss and grief. Persons I thought to be "friend" turned out to be much less, or much worse. Persons I thought to be "lover" or "partner" eluded and confused, and I still cannot say where those roads will lead. As I seek out new friendships, I find myself wondering just what it means to be a friend, and moreover, a
good friend. And the self I thought I knew revealed itself to be but shadow and mist, uncertain, ever-changing. Much has been gained, much has been lost.
And so I have decided with a somber yet certain heart to remove myself from "public life" for a while, most notably from public musical performance. When I first made this decision a week or two ago, it was with startling clarity, and I thought a year of solitude would serve me well. I now realize such a time parameter may be arbitrary and possibly unhelpful, so I will decide instead to see where this road leads me and follow the best I can.
But I resolve in this time to step back, take stock, and focus on the tasks at hand.
First and foremost must be to work on myself, focusing on the positive:
- meditation, yoga, right conduct, thought and speech
- proper diet, hygiene, and sleep
- adequate attention to my studies at
Rutgers-Camden, where I am pursuing a General Science degree, with a focus on Ecology
- being the best mother, and person, I can be in each moment presented to me
- delving deep to find what really matters, what I really have/want to say (if anything) to the world at large, and addressing my own imbalances and issues in the process
- manifesting and appreciating abundance
- helping others where I can
Let me also minimize and release the negative:
- undue self-criticism (and criticism of others)
- living in fear, embodying anger, hate, despair
- slothfulness and procrastination
- a mentality of lack and insufficiency
- impatience and reactionary behavior
- old unhealthy patterns that
must be broken
- worry, haste, anxiety
In making this decision, I am knowingly halting any kind of "momentum" I was experiencing in the world of music, but I know it is the right thing to do for this time. I am also letting go of a considerable income, taking a big leap without knowing quite how I'll be able to float this boat otherwise. But I have been taking similar leaps towards an authentic path for a few years now, and it has served me well. I do not look back, and I do not regret.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions for replacement funds, or if there's a noble patron out there reading this with an open heart and donations to give, feel free to let me know. Sure could help with the dentist bills! (Really.)
On the positive note, however, it seems that the time is ripe for me to again be a teacher of piano, for several people are coming out of the woodwork to contact me about giving lessons. If anyone in the South Jersey/Philly area is looking for a teacher with 22 years of playing experience, trained in the musical lineage of Franz Liszt and Carl Czerny (via Americo Caramuta), look no further. My rates are $25/half hour, $45/hour (plus $5 if I come to you).
It's kind of funny, the timing of my decision. The last installment of the Courier Post's quarterly coverage (in 2007) of my music career came out December 27th (
read it here), and readers might be looking for the next musical happenings in my life. I have nothing in mind as of yet, though I am thinking of taking piano lessons again myself, and possibly guitar lessons as well. I am having some older recordings mastered and will release an EP entitled "The Songbird Sessions" as soon as I can. Aside from that, I cannot say.
...I will close here, having said enough for the moment, and needing to get on with my day in the tangible world. I wish you all peace, health, blessings, abundance, and all manners of good things, and harm ye none. True friends and confidantes, reach out at any time. All the others...I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
Until the next time.
Joann
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and Green For All for their informative newsletters, invaluable resources and hard work. Visit their sites to subscribe & get more ideas on how you can serve the environmental cause.
and Green For All for their informative newsletters, invaluable resources and hard work. Visit their sites to subscribe & get more ideas on how you can serve the environmental cause.
